Archives for the month of: April, 2016

Today I have a night shift that starts at 1900hrs so I should have done more with my day but wanted to keep it low key. 

Amongst some life admin I ended up messing about with some poetry 😂 and ordering a cheeky but hopefully awesome present. 


Léhon 

I really like being able to see photographs of little events that have been and gone. Not necessarily far in the past and not especially big deals. Just bits that conjure memories enough for me to think about a day or a moment I’d otherwise left behind. (I weirdly just added on  FB someone who I wouldnt otherwise, for the sole reason of seeing some photos I otherwise wouldn’t be able to see).

Someone else sent me a funny moment from training school today and although it’s only 3 or 4 months ago it feels like a different time because the people around you, the locations and the routines of your day to day change. The photos remind me sometimes of how different things were. 

My life has changed a lot in the last year. I’ve been so grateful because it’s been largely positive. There have been big changes in the work I’ve gone into and adjusting to them isn’t smooth but it’s manageable. 

A friend of mine got quite badly injured while trying to break up a fight on her way home from work last night. Fractured her jaw. She’s not much bigger than me and hasn’t had the best time of it recently. But there have been some real highs in there with the bad luck. People will say “well it’ll make her a stronger person” but she’s more than strong enough already. I want to give her a cuddle really. I don’t know why I think that’d help her. A cuddle and a cup of tea. 

Been wishing I could do the same for my brother, all the way over there with all the change he’s experiencing. But he’ll be alright.

More changes are coming for a lot of us. The past year has reinforced for me that change can often be good. It can be refreshing and reenergising and confirming – if a little daunting when you’re on this side of it not quite knowing what the other side’ll bring. 

For the last month I’ve been swinging between being so stoked about my job and having great fun shifts to then getting overwhelmed by the responsibility and the time limits attached to different things I deal with. 

I know this a new way of working for everyone and we’re all feeling it and it’ll take a little while to get used to but I also know there’s things that’ll be changed through trial and potential error. It’s just stressful at the moment. I really need the break I’ve got coming up but I want to go away with a clear mind. Not worried about the enquiries I’ve got that are outstanding. 

“When was the last time you wanted to say it all to the right person? To have it all come out right, to suprise yourself at how together you could be. When was the last time you met someone who made you want to give it all to them? I mean give yourself to them, where you couldn’t express yourself enough- like you wanted to cut off one of your arms to be understood. That’s it- you would cut your head off to have someone understand you. You know how pointless that one is. You know how many times you’ve smashed yourself to bits on the rocks.”

Others will scarcely trust my candid heart 

And oft I catch them smiling as they pass

Because they see me gazing where thou art.