Book 5 was a good quick read but didn’t bring me much joy.

Book 6 was short and sweet and funny.


Book 4

John Sutherland just medically retired. I’m sure, like all of us, he never imagined that the wear the job would put on him would show in his mind rather than his body.

A lot of coping is not thinking about it too much, but that goes against the way I try to process the rest of my life and the planet we’re on.

Someone good at work recently commented on my ‘thoughtfulness’ which I took as a compliment. Although, someone was on hand to remind me that it’s this quality that supports my tendency to ‘kick the arse out of everything’ and knowing that cannot last, I only do that while I’m actually there and I’ve found I’m not bad at balancing work and life.

After my first few months of taking everything home with me and deeply feeling the responsibility we have, the risks we take, the bleak future under this government and the faith or lack of it that many people have in us, I started to just stop thinking about a few of those things to the extent that I was. ✋🏼 head buried in the sand.

I’m lucky enough to have a few people (of varying independence) who I can talk to about work at the right time and who will challenge me and the systems we work within and our actions and associated consequences. It feels great to push the boundaries and stretch my brain sometimes. But when I’m alone and turning up for the job everyday, I think it’s alright not to think on the responsibility and the risk. I want to keep turning up and I hope my nerves can take the next 33 years.

I’ve always liked the idea of ‘keeping the peace’ and having the option of Breach of the Peace in your back pocket is a useful tool. This past set has heard a few warnings and another few arrests of that kind. Some people respond quite well to it, others’ll tell us to fuck our peace.

Book 1 of 2018

The Girls – Emma Cline

I should have more to say about this but it’s simply been, at times, an oddly uncomfortable solace this January. The writing is the solace. The content the slight discomfort.

I feel the final few paragraphs are integral and something every woman (with or without a past like Evie’s) could be familiar with.

In the last image Evie is a woman walking alone on a beach, it’s windy, there’s no one around and she sees a lone unknown male walking towards her.

“A rock. I thought crazily. He’ll pick up a rock. He’ll break open my skull, my brain leaking into the sand. He’ll tighten his hands around my throat until my windpipe collapses.”

Then a few lines later as he has become closer and smiled as he passed, “oh. Because he was just a normal man, harmless”.

I hate telling women how to protect themselves and reduce risk but it’s safer to be a bit scared sometimes and let that inform actions. 💔

Book 16 came for free

I was in the Barbican centre recently and had a few minutes to kill before meeting the team for dinner. I strayed into the shop to see if there were any sweet gifts I could pick up that would fit in my bag. I picked up a few overpriced cards, saw some decorations that didn’t make me cringe which I might have bought for next Christmas if I’d had a bigger bag but I put them all back.

I also picked up a beautiful copy of Thoreau’s Walden which I’d been meaning to read for so long, If nothing else to provide context to a lot of the quotes I feel affinity with. I carried it while I looked at everything else then I put it back feeling ridiculously hypocritical and consuming.

Yesterday, when I remembered this little moment I looked for the kindle version and low and behold- it was 100% free.

I’m coming to the end of The Handmaids Tale and as a book it feels frosty. I look forward to reading Walden and feeling the book warm me through my eyes and hands as I take it all in, in favourite places and next to open fires.

Book 11 was passed to me by a sensitive friend from work.

I’m excited to learn about H. H. Holmes in what feels so much like a novel. I should know more about the history of the world and not just the UK. I suppose I’m not proficient enough in that to feel like I can move onto something else. I’m trying though. For America I learnt a little bit and was spurred to research sometimes by The West Wing, but I’m starting now with this serial killer and some magic.

Leo DiCaprio bought the film rights a while ago so that’s something to look forward to.

I ended up sending myself about 58 emails with quotes from Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut. I’ll keep most of them to myself until they hold some more relevance but in the meantime, I like this little gem.

“I will say, too, that lovemaking, if sincere, is one of the best ideas Satan put in the apple she gave to the serpent to give to Eve. The best idea in that apple, though, is making jazz.”


Book Ten – a recommendation from my dad. It's good already and easy to read.

Last night we had a nice chat about a potential CID future, why he rates this book, why he didn't like DUNKIRK (accepting that it was quite pretty), about the true events and what the Germans were doing and why, about his retirement and what he might have done differently, about my sister's fluctuating condition, about changing the dogs routine and how at the time of talking he was sleeping in his bed with his paws crossed so that " it's as if there should be some sailor tattoos on his forearms".