1. the quality of being determined; firmness of purpose.
2. the process of establishing something exactly by calculation or research.
Forever grateful for watching this progress and sometimes, maybe, supporting the journey.
Positive steps will see your goals…
On my level
I can’t wait to be coming home to my best friend most days.
John Sutherland just medically retired. I’m sure, like all of us, he never imagined that the wear the job would put on him would show in his mind rather than his body.
A lot of coping is not thinking about it too much, but that goes against the way I try to process the rest of my life and the planet we’re on.
Someone good at work recently commented on my ‘thoughtfulness’ which I took as a compliment. Although, someone was on hand to remind me that it’s this quality that supports my tendency to ‘kick the arse out of everything’ and knowing that cannot last, I only do that while I’m actually there and I’ve found I’m not bad at balancing work and life.
After my first few months of taking everything home with me and deeply feeling the responsibility we have, the risks we take, the bleak future under this government and the faith or lack of it that many people have in us, I started to just stop thinking about a few of those things to the extent that I was. ✋🏼 head buried in the sand.
I’m lucky enough to have a few people (of varying independence) who I can talk to about work at the right time and who will challenge me and the systems we work within and our actions and associated consequences. It feels great to push the boundaries and stretch my brain sometimes. But when I’m alone and turning up for the job everyday, I think it’s alright not to think on the responsibility and the risk. I want to keep turning up and I hope my nerves can take the next 33 years.
I’ve always liked the idea of ‘keeping the peace’ and having the option of Breach of the Peace in your back pocket is a useful tool. This past set has heard a few warnings and another few arrests of that kind. Some people respond quite well to it, others’ll tell us to fuck our peace.
We’ve got our own dates to especially verbalise our affection and gratitude we feel every day for each other.
But tonight, when I read about the active shooter in Florida, wincing with the tragedy, while licking the emotional wounds of earlier events in the evening, it was a comforting tonic to let my mind drift to his face close to mine and the days we’ve shared so far. 💕
I need to read Virginia Woolf’s A Haunted House after watching A Ghost Story.
Safe safe safe.
It’s not spooky and, once I managed to get past the man in a sheet, it was very moving and very sad. I think it indeed effectively explored ‘legacy, love, loss and the enormity of existence’.
It highlighted the enormity of certain people I hold dear and the seemingly infinite depth of feeling for my number 1.
The fear it conjures of the possible loss of that person and all of the devotion and warmth that you may’ve made best efforts to portray and give to them, is painful to contemplate.
I know the thought of others having to endure such a loss in reality has been the source of lots of tears, sadness and considerable wounding and trauma, just to those observing the person experiencing it.
It’s impressive how the film, with such a cartoonish image, can summon those extreme, deep and cutting feelings.
Maybe time running out is a gift
I’ll work hard ’til the end of my shift
And give you every second I can find
And hope it isn’t me who’s left behind
Chastity Belt – What the Hell?
If I look at my phone again, I’ll just wanna die
Aside from that, I feel all right
I know myself when I’m by myself
But I’d rather be around you
I just stumbled across this band and anther called Sheer Mag (photo below).
It’s been a while of not being excited about music and actually I’ve been a bit lost with it. Having to strike back over ten years sometimes to get any feeling but even that hasn’t worked at times and I feel like I stick on something easy and singalong to pass time in the car mostly when there’s something I’m not interested in on the radio.
I also think I’ve reached the end of the intense affair I’ve had with Isbell. I love it all, that hasn’t changed but it seems to be too gentle for me at the moment. The touching songs still find their way comfortably onto playlists but a lot of it isn’t interesting enough to me anymore, maybe I just know it too well.
But these little discoveries, especially (Sheer Mag) have made me feel so fresh and almost transported me back to being a teenager wandering around a town with my head in my ears. And I want to see these bands! It’s weird how it’s punk but it’s not punk but I like that. It’s another thing I intend to write a bit about soon.
Last weeks little foray back into the world of a low key show in a basement was lovely. Time to find more of that.
I keep writing half a blog post then never finishing it so when my rest days roll around I’ll try to remedy this. In the meantime, I’ve managed to write to some friends and family and walk some handsome dogs under blue skies so it’s not been entirely unproductive.